grey&gold

strawberry-and-mint moon, firefly moon. dappled fawn moon, grass pollen moon. moon of budding apples, moon of porch swings. the hot & dusty moon of texas, of old prairie winds and stifling heat. moon of drunk suns and barbed wire fences. dr. pepper milkshake moon, tile-and-brick moon. moon of close calls and deep fucks. moon of airport delays and engine rumble. moon of long journeys.

--

--

our first anniversary came on the spring equinox.

it’s hard to say for sure exactly when he and i went from ‘just chatting’ to ‘romantically involved’ but for the sake of symbolism and significance, i will say it was Official on the 21st.

despite intense self-doubt, self-inflicted pessimism and self-defeating lack of confidence, i have to say i’m pretty fucking proud of myself. i feel… normal, i feel accepted and appreciated by my family, my coworkers, my troop. at thirty-three, i feel like i’ve done three years of growing in only one.

i’m… happy. truly, genuinely, happy for the first time in almost a decade.

--

--

snowmelt moon, moon of returning vultures. heavy morning fog moon, red witch hazel moon. moon of shedding fur and rain rot. moon of first seeding and moon of new mead.

thick grey smoke curled from the abandoned farmhouse’s chimney that afternoon. the silo hung at a terrible slant, but a light illuminated an upstairs bedroom for the first time in a decade and i took it as an omen.

--

--

i don’t apologize anymore, not in meaningless platitudes like i used to.

i’ve developed a knack for copy editing whatever’s bouncing in my head and swiftly remove things like having been, would’ve, began being, sorry to bug you. i replace their empty slots with active speech, vibrant verbs and proper nouns. i say please and thank you, i make promises that i keep. i refuse to chase shadows and fix things i can’t. i budget my salary carefully and invest in well-built products. i love people who love me.

life is too short to waste it on people who think of you only when they’re lonely.

--

--